Party Description

Daria Patterson

Professor Rau

ENG 101 MD

December 14, 2014

Valley Girl Rager

            Oh my GOD BECKY! Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, did you hear that Tyler’s having a party tomorrow?! He is like, soooooo hot. I’m talking about hot Tyler not weird, semi-attractive Tyler with the troll beard. You know that right? Yeah, so we should totally go. Well I’m going but you NEED to come with me. I just need to pick out a cute outfit, one that makes me look like a Victoria Secret model.

We were like talking before and like, oh my God, his house is like huuuuge, HUGE. The bathroom itself can hold like 10 people and it has a hot tub with jets that feel like a ton of warm little vibrating toothbrushes bumping into your skin. I’ve been there once ya’ know, that time we hooked up and his demon girlfriend called during? Hehehe, I’m so bad.

Anyways, there’s like a backyard with a pool that is literally an ocean, literally. The tall, full, bushy trees will cover us from the neighbors perfectly, so the cops probably wont get called until like 3 or 4 am. Thank God.

We get to go in it but we have to dress hot. You know my tight, short, crimson dress that is basically like painted on my skin and it rests as high on my thigh as it can without you seeing my privates? I’m gonna put my bikini under it, the one that curves around my waste and makes me a human hourglass. I’ve been dying to wear that beauty.

Yuck, I just had a thought. I’m gonna be like soooo mad if I get puked on again. Remember last time when Jenny, the one with the long, dirty colored mass of hair, sloping back, and crooked walk, puked on me? At least if I have my bikini on under my dress I can just take it off and jump in the pool. Good idea right? I can do the same thing if I puke on myself, hehehe. I still really don’t want my dress puked on though, and don’t even get me started on if another person spills their drink on me. I’m like a magnet for unfortunate events.

God, I’m like soooo excited. *long drawn out squeal while jumping up and down* I’ll talk to you later bae. I just remembered I totally need to find a pair of shoes. At least this is an excuse to buy another pair. 

Open Letter

Daria Patterson

Professor Rau

ENG 101 MD

December 8, 2014

December 5, 2014

Dear People Who Play Their Music Loudly in Public Places:

            Picture this: two friends go out for lunch in a what is supposed to be the nice, peaceful environment of a diner, and all of a sudden, usually crappy music starts to blare from a few tables down. Who is it? A group of obnoxious humans. It is you.

            Some of you play explicit music loudly around families with children, shamelessly making them feel uncomfortable. What is the matter with you? Some of you bring speakers, plug them in, and play your music into those. Some of you sing along, sometimes in groups, which makes everyone surrounding you contemplate mass murder. Some of you do it while people are studying, reading, or doing something important. Some of you play it with your friends, thinking it makes you look cool.

            The one commonality is that you all enrage me and you are all being the opposite of cool. Cool people do not disturb the peace. Humans have to share this Earth, particularly, public places. Not all humans like your music and even if they did, chances are they do not all want to hear it at that moment. Do not force it upon the ears of others by playing it in public places, and certainly, do not bring speakers.

            If you really, really, want to play your music, be considerate and first ask the surrounding people if they mind. Since most of them will probably say yes just to be polite or because they do not realize how annoying it will be, ask again in a few minutes if anyone minds.

 If you do play it, there is no need to blast it. Play it at a nice, minimally disruptful volume so that people can still hear their conversations and so that if they pick up the phone, the person on the end of the line won’t ask what’s playing in the background. As shown, more considerate ways to play your music in public exist, but really, just don’t play it at all. People will be coming in and out of the public place, are you really going to keep asking every person if they mind just for them to grudgingly and resentfully say it’s okay?

Rather than be annoying, play your music at home. Better yet, invest in a pair of headphones and spare the moods of everyone around you. That is what they are for.

Sincerely,

Daria Patterson